They Deserve It

Regarding America's Funniest Videos TV show:

• Aiden (11):  If they're dumb enough to do that, and then send it to TV, then I get to laugh at them.

Chicken Joke

• Aiden (11):  Where did the chicken jokes even come from. I mean, how is a chicken crossing the road even a joke? That's not even funny. Doesn't even make sense.

American Woman

• Robert:  Ok, Ladies. Let's go.
• Chloë (5.5):  I'm not a lady, I'm a woman!

Marrying type

• Chloe (5.5):  I want Aiden to be my husband when I grow up.
• Aiden (10.5):  *looking at dad: "You wanna take this?"
• Robert:  Sweetheart, sisters can't marry their brothers
• Chloe:  *Crossed arms: "Then I'll marry a man just like Aiden."

Dancing for the Judge and Crushing It

Even if you let your daughter listen to secular electronica. Never let her slack. Because this is what she's thinking:

• Chloë (5.5):  I'm sending my best dance to God!

Big ups to Dev on this one!

Street Smarts

• Chloë (5):  When I cross the street I have to hold hands with Mommy or Daddy...And Aiden too. Because he's a good protector.

Thank You Love Notes

A classmate from school sent a thank you card to Chloë for coming to his birthday party. She opened it.

• Chloë (5):  He really loves me!

The Problem With Vacuuming

• Chloë (5.5):  Mommy, I can't dream when you vacuum.

Decision 2012 Flashback

Here's a little flashback to the last Presidential Election day after driving by people holding Mitt Romney signs:

• Aiden (10.5):  Look at those Romney protesters.

Imagination. So Over It.

• Chloë (5):  I don't know what to draw.
• Robert:  Why don't you make a butterfly?
• Chloë (5):  Because there isn't one in the instructions.
• Robert:  Well, use your imagination.
• Chloë:  Yeah, but I already know how to do that.

Arm Thyself

Kids running down stairs.

• Robert:  Are you guys going outside?
• Chloe (5):  No, we're getting our weapons

Paper, Rock, Scissors - Almost

• Chloë (5):  Rock, Scissors...
• Robert:  And?
• Chloë:  ...Toilet Paper!

Which probably beats scissors too if you think about it.

Outdoor Bathtubs

• Robert:  Esther Short Park fountain. Hard to beat.
• Chloë (5):  That would be the best bathtub ever!

Made In China

• Aiden (10):  Gross. This lipstick is made of Chinese people.
• Robert:  That's not what that means.
• Aiden:  By. By Chinese people. Whoops.

Carry It All

• Chloë (5):  Daddy, you can carry the stick, flowers, and mail.
• Robert:  But that's all there is. Why do I have to carry everything?
• Chloë:  Because you have to. You're the daddy.

Clearcut Chloë

On picking flowers with Chloë:

• Robert:  Her policy of clear-cutting flowers is unsustainable. I'll have to teach her about selective logging.